My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
