Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
