Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
