did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
