ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
