Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
