I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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