I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
