so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
