I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
