Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
