her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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