We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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