Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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