we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
