I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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