Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
