Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
