I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
