what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
