My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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