I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize