he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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