He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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