if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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