Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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