Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
