I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
