o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
