its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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