while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
