Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
