I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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