mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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