Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
