I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Enjoy the penises
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
