Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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