I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
jump out the window naked night went bad
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
