last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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