Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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