and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
