I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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