i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
