Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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