I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
