belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
