Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
