I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
