Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
