I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
