I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
