just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
