he thought i was a dude.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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