i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
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Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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