I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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