I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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