I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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