there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
