just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies