I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
