I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I skipped work to stalk him.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos