her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW