well you can't waste a boner
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!